I Hate Christmas Parties
by Collide
Summary: One-shot songfic. It's Christmas time, the time of year when everyone gets together and celebrates. Well, everyone except Syaoran. Since she left him he's been hating everything about the season. I swear this isn't horrible.


Hey everyone, this is my one-shot S&S for the holidays. . . if you're reading this then I have managed to get my computer to work and accept cookies so I am able to login. It has really sucked without updating and writing. . . . so here you go, it's a great songfic-ish story.

I Hate Christmas Parties

It was early December. The third, if precision was the goal. Gray clouds hanging low in the sky appeared to be huge with precipitation, but each day passed like the last and nothing ever fell from heaven down onto the frozen Chicago streets. The city was steely gray to match the clouds, the naked trees lining the busy streets twinkling with the glow of strands of lights. Buildings were decorated on their fronts with the traditional reds and greens of Christmas; they had been bedecked as such since early November, even before Thanksgiving. Christmas was in the air, on the tongues of those walking along the sidewalks to the malls and work buildings in the downtown of the city.

Syaoran walked quickly, his strides long and deliberate. His dark hair was covered in a black knit cap, pieces of shaggy chocolate poking out around his ears and forehead. His face was pale, his lips contrasting sharply against the sheet white of his skin. His breath left his mouth in short puffs, trailing behind him like steam from an old fashioned locomotive. His ungloved hands were shoved into the pockets of his black trench as he briskly walked down the sidewalk, dodging people who were slower than he was. He had to be on time, tardiness was not an option, not for something like this. He had been working at his building when his receptionist had given him the message. At that very moment he felt his heart drop out of his chest, and his work was left undone on the desk as he snatched his coat and sprinted out of the building without so much of an explanation.

As he walked, his amber eyes watching everything around him with a sternly pensive that trademarked his general demeanor, he couldn't help but know what was about to happen. They'd been in Chicago for almost a year, living and working every day among strangers, thousands of miles from home. He had brought her there, convincing her to leave her family and friends behind in the name of love. Love, he thought, that could conquer anything, distance and stress, poverty and loss. But over the months he could feel it leaving him, like steam rising out of the lake during the cool summer mornings. They became distant as he became wrapped up in his work, but he had no choice when rent was high and tuition needed paid. He would work a thousand hours if it meant she could get a proper education. He reached his destination, a park embedded in the city. Walking through it, he made his way to their place, the first place they had gone that first night in Chicago. The bench by the lake was cold metal as he sat and waited. He had been foolish to think he would be late, knowing the nature of who he waited for.

She had never been on time in her entire life. Throughout high school she had been the only reason he had ever spent in detention, earned by her being late and his waiting in his car outside her house relentlessly. He would never leave her, no matter how late she was. She would run out of the house she lived in with her father and brother, honey hair flowing behind like waves of autumn grain. Even now in her twenties, she had a tendency to oversleep, and he would watch her sprint through her routine so she would make it to class on time. Today was no different, and Syaoran could hardly feel his fingers as he clenched and unclenched them in his pockets to promote circulation. A stiff wind blew off the lake, and Syaoran's thoughts moved to the sky where he watched for the flakes of frozen water to fall. He'd been waiting for awhile for it, and yet the snow refused to fall. He loved their first Christmas in Chicago, seeing the snowflakes on her thick black lashes as they skated on the frozen pond on the other side of the city; he felt the warmth of her hand in his as she steadied him, laughing lightly as he struggled. She had always been a better skater, there was no doubt about that.

"You're here." Syaoran heard a soft feminine voice say, and he saw a puff of steam proving his ears weren't numb to the point of making up sounds. He turned around to meet the gaze of a pair of dazzling emerald eyes that had captured him every day since he had known the person to whom they belonged to.

Hope it snows this week

A snowflake on your cheek would make this Christmas so wonderful

But that would just bring the pain

Cause things can't stay the same

These holidays won't be wonderful 

The sound of her voice made Syaoran shiver involuntarily, not the bitter cold of the weather outside. He watched her sit down, holding her hands in her lap. She wore a white coat with fur trim along the hood. Her hair was long and straight, and she wore a white headband around her ears to keep them warm. She adjusted her pink scarf against the chill of another stiff breeze and looked over at the lake, away from Syaoran. He followed suit, quietly watching the city across the way as it sat in quiet dominance over the land, like a giant standing over a tiny village. Silence filled the space between them for several moments before she sighed softly, her eyes closing momentarily before she opened them and looked over at him.

"I can't do this anymore." She said, half whispering. Syaoran stiffened as he turned and looked at the woman sitting next to him. He had been right in his anticipation; she wanted out, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Sakura-" he started, but she stopped him with a gloved finger to his lips. Her eyes were pained as she looked at him, seeing his obvious pain in his dark ocher eyes.

"I need . . . I need my family. I have to be where my heart is." Sakura explained, her eyes watering slightly. He saw her force the tears down, and at the same time her remark made his heart tear in half. Where her heart was. . . where her heart was. . .

"Japan." Syaoran suddenly blurted, his voice seeming unnatural as he uttered the word. Sakura nodded, and his fears over the last couple of months were confirmed; she had stopped loving him.

"Yes. I have to go home, Syaoran." Sakura whispered, struggling to keep her tears at bay. Syaoran leaned back against the metal of the bench, the cold biting into his back. He didn't care, it mattered not at the moment.

"I still love you." Syaoran murmured, earning a sigh from Sakura. He looked over at the girl, at the woman he held so much passion inside for; his everything, the entire world's center in his opinion. She let a single tear stream down her cheek running down her face until it dripped off her chin and onto her jeans, darkening the denim in one tiny spot and spreading until there was no more liquid to spread.

"I still love you, Syaoran, but we're drifting apart. We're just not. . . right anymore. We're better off just being. . . " Sakura replied. Syaoran dreaded the last word. He knew what it was, and prayed as he closed his eyes that she said something else. A break, a short holiday from one another, anything but that; that one word was not an option for him, and he would surely die if she uttered it.

"Friends." Sakura finished, and Syaoran felt his chest constrict and he couldn't breathe. She had said it, the one thing that could make him lose his breath entirely. He stared at Sakura for a moment, unable to even make an argument out of it.

"Friends. . . " he blurted softly after about three minutes. Sakura couldn't stand the moment any longer, the tension in the air cutting through her and Syaoran. She stood up and took a couple steps away from Syaoran, who got up and walked after her. He took her arm and gently pulled her back to him, meeting her green eyes with his beaten and worn amber eyes. The pain displayed between the two was heart wrenching, and he wanted nothing more to be anywhere but there in the park with her at that moment.

"I'll go home with you." Syaoran stated bluntly, watching Sakura's eyes widen, but not grow any happier.

"I'll have everything out of the apartment by the time you're home. I'm going to get on a plane tonight." Sakura said decisively, taking her arm away from Syaoran and turning to walk away once again.

"Sakura!!" Syaoran cried, suddenly terrified of losing the girl of his dreams forever. He ran after her, grabbing her once again and taking her lips with his. He kissed her passionately for a moment, then backed away when he felt nothing from her in return. Her kiss was empty, devoid of any love she had once kept for him. The fire was gone, cold and without any warmth. Like him.

"Goodbye Syaoran." Sakura whispered, tears now streaming down her face. She turned and ran away from him, not looking back as she sprinted through the park toward the subway. Syaoran watched her go, his heart breaking with every step she took away from him. When she disappeared into the subway station the realization of her leaving hit like a brick wall and he felt himself empty of any energy. He turned to walk back to work, his steps not as hurried as before. As he walked, hands in his pockets and eyes on the ground, he noticed a tiny white particle fall in front of his face and looked up to see the snow had begun to fall, silent flakes of ice falling like frozen tears from heaven onto him.

I look under the tree, but there's nothing to see

'Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me

I can't figure you out, is this what Christmas is all about?

'Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me 

It had been three weeks since Sakura had left Syaoran; twenty one days and twenty one nights of nothingness in his life. Every day he would wake up to find him alone, and every night he would fall asleep on his side of their bed, staring at the empty space she used to occupy beside him. It still smelled like cherry blossoms, like her. Everything reminded him of her, smells, sounds, sights, you name it. He was quiet now, withdrawn from his co-workers as he drudged through his work without any comment. Every time the snow fell Syaoran felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest. Instead of the happy thoughts of skating in the park, his mind filled with memories still fresh in his mind, about the way she had left, the way she had dismissed his love for her and simply walked away.

Today, Christmas Eve, was the day Syaoran returned to Japan. His family lived in China and he knew it, but days before his flight Eriol had called and invited him to the party he and Tomoyo were hosting. Grudgingly he had accepted it, only realizing what kind of party he would be going to after he had hung up the phone. He sat in the dark of the apartment, running his hand through his dark hair and thinking about the happy cheer the party would have. It would be good for him to smile, it had been so long since he had been able to manage even the tiniest crack of one. It would be painful, and he knew it would be, to see Eriol and Tomoyo together, their wedding bands twinkling in the soft light of their living room. They were newlyweds, the kind where being apart for a moment felt like a lifetime. The same feeling he used to have for Sakura. The plane touched down, shaking the thoughts out of Syaoran's head like butterflies being disturbed in a field of clover. He took his things, his one bag he had packed, and numbly walked out of the terminal toward the street. He hailed a cab, paying the man before getting in and sitting back against the cool leather seat as he began to make his way to the final stretch of his trip for the moment.

Eriol and Tomoyo's house stretched up in front of Syaoran like a grinning face. Decorations and lights were in every window, twinkling like the sparkle in a young child's eyes. The wreath on the door was like a mouth for the house, shaped in an O as if surprised to see the sullen Syaoran approach. He knocked his knuckles white while his hand was balled in a fist. He waited, staring at the red door silently for someone to open it and allow him out of the weather and into the warmth of the house. He lifted his fist to knock once more, but the door was thrown open, and the bright amethyst eyes of Tomoyo were seen shining up at Syaoran as she squealed in delight.

"Oh you're here! Eriol, he made it!" Tomoyo cried, getting out of the way and letting Syaoran walk inside. Eriol looked out from the living room, a grin on his happy face. He walked over to his cousin and embraced him, happy to see him after so much time. Tomoyo pulled her ebony hair into a ponytail and tightened her apron, smiling at the cousins as they hugged.

"It's good to see you again, Syaoran. You're just in time, the guests should be coming in about half an hour. You must be exhausted." Eriol rambled. Syaoran stared at him quietly, examining him. He was still the same way he was when he had left him, his bluish hair combed neatly down and gelled. He wore his wire rimmed glasses as usual, his blue eyes sparkling like clear ocean water behind them. Nothing had changed.

"It's good to see you again. If you don't mind, I'm going to go clean up before everyone gets here." Syaoran said simply, taking his bag into his hands again and walking up the stairs in front of the door toward the guest bedroom. Tomoyo held her hands at her side as she looked worriedly at Syaoran trudge up the stairs. She looked to Eriol, who shook his head slowly.

"He's definitely not taking it as well as I had hoped." Eriol said quietly, and Tomoyo nodded.

"They were in love. He was going to ask her to marry him soon." Tomoyo replied, walking with her husband into the kitchen. She pulled some mushroom puffs out of the oven while Eriol put some champagne on ice.

"What went wrong?" Eriol asked suddenly, gaining Tomoyo's attention. She shook her head, her violet eyes filled with sadness.

"She fell out of love." Tomoyo answered softly, taking mushroom puffs off the metal cookie sheet and putting them neatly on a serving tray.

Upstairs, Syaoran finished changing into a loose green sweater and brown khakis. He looked around the room, at the simple furnishings. On the nightstand were some photos that grabbed his attention. He walked over to them, looking at the smiling faces belonging to Eriol and Tomoyo's families. One last picture in the back caught Syaoran's eye, and he picked it up, wiping the dust off the glass cover. It was a picture of their senior prom, all of them looking ecstatic in their formal wear while they held each other tightly. Syaoran touched the cover over the image, running his fingers over the picture of him and Sakura as they kissed. They had been so happy. . . where that happiness went was beyond him.

I don't wanna talk, I'm sick of all this talking

A broken heart wrapped up in a box

There're teardrops in my stocking

I look under the tree but there's nothing to see

'Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me. 

A couple hours later the party was in full swing. The tree was glimmering with lights and tinsel, and everyone commented on how well Tomoyo had decorated the house. Syaoran never doubted her ability, she had always been a master of décor. It would have been a great party if not for everyone asking the same questions. 'So what happened with you and Sakura?'. 'How's things with you an Sakura?'. 'Why'd you and Sakura break up?'. After awhile Syaoran was sick of explaining something, especially since he didn't really understand it himself. He found himself sitting by the fireplace later, alone with a glass of champagne watching everyone socialize. He watched them talk and laugh, merriment in their worry free faces. To them this was a happy time where they could see old friends and catch up. For Syaoran it was a reminder of what he no longer had. For a moment he considered packing his things and catching the red eye to Hong Kong, but decided against it. Eriol and Tomoyo would be upset if he didn't stay for the party. So he sat, alone and sullen by the fireplace watching people and looking out the window every so often.

Syaoran was still sitting by the fireplace when he heard the front door open, and the sound of Tomoyo's excited chatter fill the entrance to the house. Someone else had arrived, although pretty late. His heart fluttered in his chest at the thought that maybe Sakura had come to the party after all. He hadn't seen her all night, and assumed she didn't want to come because she somehow knew he would be there. He watched the doorway to where he was, waiting for her to become visible. When Sakura actually did come into view, Syaoran's heart leapt into his throat. He wasn't wrong, she had come indeed. He stared at her, seeing she had changed her appearance in the short time they'd been apart. Her once long hair was cut shorter, now sitting on her shoulders and feathered out. She wore a pink turtleneck sweater and jeans, and smiled until she caught Syaoran's eye. The smile faded on her face, and she looked away from him, making his heart ache as he realized how uncomfortable she had to be. In that moment leaving for Hong Kong would have been a better idea than seeing her.

I hate Christmas parties

You offer me some punch, but I just shrug

I hate Christmas parties

You and the cookie tray both hear me say bah humbug. 

"Syaoran" he heard her say quietly. Syaoran turned around to see her standing there, alone with a tray of red and green sugar cookies on a tray. She must have been helping Tomoyo host. Syaoran looked down at her, seeing the pain still evident in her eyes as she matched his stare. He felt the emotion in his soul, the aching increasing with every memory of every kiss, every touch.

"How're you doing, Sakura?" Syaoran asked, breaking the silence. Sakura forced a smile and shrugged.

"I'm doing ok. Do you want something to drink?" Sakura asked, changing the subject. Syaoran shrugged. He really didn't care about eggnog or punch, or stupid Christmas cookies. All he really cared about was right in front of him, and he had no power over her feelings for him. He was unrequited, unwanted. And he knew it.

Eriol and Tomoyo stood apart from their guests, watching Sakura and Syaoran's exchange from the other room. There they stood, in the middle of the living room, the tree glittering in the background. Standing among the gifts wrapped in golds and greens they stood, forcing themselves to talk without feeling anything, pain or love. Tomoyo felt the arm of her husband circle her waist, and she leaned against him. The moment unraveling in front of them was so poignant, so full of emotion, but it was nearly impossible to see unless you knew where to look.

"When is this going to stop hurting?" Syaoran asked softly, and Sakura shook her head slowly.

"I don't know. I just don't know." Sakura whispered, setting the cookie tray on a stand and crossing her arms. Syaoran could tell the girl was uncomfortable, but for the life of him could not fathom why she was still there.

"I. . . I don't know what to do." Syaoran stammered, staring into Sakura's green eyes with amber eyes overflowing with emotion and confusion.

"You have to let go." Sakura whispered.

"What if I can't? What if I want to hang on to the only person I ever thought could be my soulmate? You're the only one who understands me Sakura, and now you're telling me to let go?" Syaoran cried, his voice raised slightly. He looked to see if anyone heard him, and seeing as they were all too busy getting into the holiday spirit he turned his attention back to Sakura, who was looking at the floor.

"Why are you still here?" Syaoran asked, shocked to hear his voice become so callous. She looked up at him, her eyes welling with tears.

"I don't know." Sakura whispered. They stood apart, the space between them full of unanswered questions and doubts about their dead love. Syaoran turned away, too frustrated to stare at the beautiful woman he loved any longer.

I can't figure you out

Is this what Christmas is all about?

'Cause it's a broken heart

That you're giving me. 

The next morning the plane took off with Syaoran riding inside it on his way to Hong Kong and his family. It was Christmas morning, and his flight was nearly empty. His mind was still on the night before, and his last memory of the party. Sakura standing there in the dimly lit room, the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree giving her face an unnatural glow as the rays of light fell on her. He remembered walking away from her, letting her go as she had told him. He heard a muffled sob as he retreated up the stairs, and knew she was crying, but he couldn't turn around and go to her. It wasn't what she wanted. She wanted something he apparently could not provide to her. He reached into his jacket pocket for a stick of gum and came across something unknown to him in his pocket. He pulled out a silver ring engraved with their initials and 'I'll love you always' on the band. It was the ring he had given her in high school, the one she swore she would never take off. That ring was the symbol of their love, and he had it. She had given it back to him as a finalization that they were over. He held it in his hand, turning it over and over as the light reflected off of it.

'Goodbye, Sakura.' Syaoran thought sadly as he pocketed the ring once again and leaned his head back against his seat. He would go home for the holidays then return to his job in Chicago. Life would go on, though still painful for awhile. He would endure, he would have to. Amber eyes closed as Syaoran fell asleep on the plane, a single tear trailing down his cheek.

I look under the tree

But there's nothing to see

'Cause it's a broken heart

That you're giving me. 

That's it, it's probably not good at all, but it's ok by me, it's my first (and most likely my only) songfic. Review if you like, and if you want to actually HEAR this song, the band's name is Relient K, and this song is on their Christmas album "Deck The Halls, Bruise Your Hands". I don't know if you can download it, but you MIGHT be able to hear it on their site or something, or you could buy the album. It's pretty good! Anyway, later all, have a good holiday, and I hope you didn't hate my work!!!


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